Blogging for me has been a long time coming. I've been through so much in the past 6 months (and 5 years more than that) you would think I could write a novel or two. I plan on it. Someday. When I have the time. But now, I feel like I have next to ZERO. My life is pretty crazy, so crazy in fact I dread hiring a baby sitter for fear they would charge $40 an hour. I sure know if I got paid for this job I would accept nothing less than that. But I love it.
What makes it so crazy? Well, we just moved back to the states from living overseas in Okinawa, Japan for 4 years. I came back early, since I was pregnant with twins who were due in early January 2011. Our first born son will be 2 at the end of this march. I flew over 24 hrs travel time back to the States, ALONE, with a dog (my husband had the other 2), a toddler, and two in the womb (22 weeks pregnant). It was shortly after my husband came here to join us at our brand new empty home (all our goods were in a crate on a ship somewhere in the Pacific) that I began to have problems with my pregnancy. That whole thing was a fiasco, and it deserves it's own blog post if 80, but long story short I ended up in preterm labor at 30 weeks just to find out we had lost a twin. Then our house stuff came. Then we got sick. And sick again. Baby in NICU. Toddler at home. Lost a child. Moving into a new house. Now we're fighting. NICU baby comes home after 6 weeks in. One of our dogs keep running away and nipping at our toddler so we find him a new home. What do I do for my birthday in January? Get a new puppy. But it's a Rhodesian Ridgeback-my dream dog. How could I say no to that? I thank God for putting that dog in my life.
So, that's just a small nut shell explaining what has gone on in recent days, and maybe you could imagine what my home life is like. I'm sure people out there have it way crazier. Props to you all! I personally must be addicted to chaos, and I really enjoy my life although it does get stressful at times. This is where being a Pack Mom comes in to play. I think it's safe to say I have a healthy obsession with the Dog Whisperer, and as a Cesar Milan-minion I have tried to employ the "Pack Leader" concept in my life. I think there is something so beneficial of trying to create a balanced life, and compose yourself calm and assertively. It sure has taught me to control my emotions and my actions. More than anything it has helped me gain peace in a life that repels it. Yet, it's always a struggle. Grief doesn't just go away in a day, a week, or a month--our four months apparently. A young baby is still hard to get used to--the sleepless nights, etc. Add that to the preemie layered cake of running like a ninny from RSV, problem shooting reflux, colic, and always wondering how his prematurity and other issues will affect him. And then there's Isaac, my toddler. There is NEVER a dull or mellow moment with that child. Peace is not in his vocabulary (actually it is, but what might sound like "peace" actually means "please"). But he is smart and fun and a great kid to get your mind off the darker things in life.
I just have to remind myself. Be calm. Be patient. Those thing's I'm good at. Be assertive. I have to work on that one.